My journey to Robie....

I'm a procrastinator. We know this. But man, I have been putting off writing this post for what seems like forever! I started it several times, thought about it hundreds of times, but have never been able to complete it.  But, I also want to write it while everything is still fresh in my mind and while the emotion of it is still raw, so here it goes...

At the turn of the new year, I decided that 2012 was going to be the year where I did something "that matters." And on February 2nd, I declared to my family and friends that I was going to run the Race to Robie Creek for the first time in honor of my dad and to raise money to help find a cure for PSP. At the time, I had absolutely no idea how big it would be, but I can tell you that over the last three months that my life has been enriched beyond anything I could have ever imagined. I've heard over and over again from many people that often when you set out to do something for others, that the personal reward is always far more than expected. Now I get it.  

The outpouring of support was, and has been, truly and absolutely amazing. My original goal was to raise $5000 and I picked that amount because I honestly wasn't sure that I could raise that much! After two days, I was blown away that $800 had already been donated. And in just over one month, my original goal had been met. One month! As of today, over $9000 has been donated and I can't even begin to explain what that means to me, to my family and what it meant to my dad.

The journey to Robie was just that...a journey. Just like any journey, there were some really fantastic moments, there were some really difficult moments. There were obstacles and there were rewards. I met new friends along the way and persevered forward even when I wanted to stop.

Robie registration day was crazy.  It's not a lottery and they cap it at 2100 entries, so at noon on President's Day it's all about who has the fastest internet connection and the most computers!  They sold out in NINE minutes. Nine! When I didn't get a spot, I had a moment of devastation and self-pity, but thanks to a bunch of great peeps who offered their entries and assured me that I'd get a number, I built a bridge and got over it. In the end, I got a number from Shu's Running Company...and they got their logo on our shirts.

Training began right away, which was a whole new concept for me. I've never REALLY trained for a race before. I ran a 1/2 marathon a couple of years ago, but signed up the day before the race because all of my friends were doing it. Turns out that my knees weren't real impressed about running for 13 miles when the most they had logged in a given day was MAYBE five. Truthfully, had it not been for my amazing trainer/boyfriend, I probably (most definitely) wouldn't have trained as much as I did. During the week, we would typically run separately, but the long weekend UPHILL runs we did together. Well..we started them together. They usually involved a lot of bitching, moaning, wheezing, walking and crying on my part, ending up with me telling him to "Just go ahead without me!" even though I was the only frustrated one. He did a good job of making it seem like he wanted to stay with me, but on the inside I'm sure he was thinking "You don't have to twist my arm....later!"  The fact that our relationship made it through this journey is pretty amazing in itself, but he was so great and so patient with me. Just before our first trek up the summit, I joked about it potentially being the final hour of our relationship. You know, since he MADE me sign up....
 
Those of you who are runners will agree that running uphill is a whole other ball of wax! Prior to February, I avoided hills at all costs. All costs. And...if I happened to come across a hill, I usually stopped and walked it just because I knew it would be hard. So...training on hills was definitely a challenge, not just for my legs, but for my mind...and my lungs.  I found out last year that I have asthma, which finally explained why I have always wheezed so much when I run! My inhaler has helped, but when I start climbing those higher elevations I can definitely feel it. Good idea to pick a race that increases by 2000ft in 8.5 miles, huh?

I do feel good about my training and how hard I worked. But, I had such a good example to follow. My dad fought SO HARD for the last nine years...harder than most probably would...definitely harder than I would in his shoes. For years he researched online to try and figure out what was wrong with him. Later, even though it required a lot of effort to even get on it, he'd ride his exercise bike to keep his muscles strong. And even though he had very little quality of life left, he still got out of bed every single day to sit in his wheelchair or recliner and be a spectator of his own life. Every time that I wanted to skip my run, or quit, I thought of my dad and his amazing strength and usually, not always, was able to push through.  

Leading up to race day, my focus was definitely on getting up and over that 8+ mile climb. But in reality, this was so much more than a race for me. In fact, being able to say that I've "done Robie" doesn't really mean as much to me as I thought it would. What does mean the world to me is that through that race, I formed a bond with my dad that I will never, ever forget. A bond that would not have been made had I not set out on this journey. After I kicked things off in February, when I would see my dad I loved that I had a something to talk to him about. Something exciting and positive that I could share with him and that was "our thing." A few times I kept him company while my mom went to play Bunko and I would go down the list of people who had donated, told him who each person was, how much they donated and read him the comments if there were any. He didn't know a large majority of those who gave and there were several times where he got very emotional and even teared up. He wasn't able to talk, but did type on his iPad "That's great." I read to him the course description and comments on the Robie website, I talked to him about my training runs and about those who were running on my team in his honor. I knew that due to the terrain we wouldn't be able to get him to the finish line, but when I asked if he wanted to be at the start, I got a definite "thumbs up," which became the only way he could communicate towards the end. As his health started to dwindle, I would continue to ask if he still wanted to be there and his answer never changed. Even on Easter Sunday, less than a week before he died, I was so happy when he gave me the thumbs up, yet again.

Unfortunately he didn't quite make it to race day. I have to wonder now if he was trying his hardest to hold out for that day...to be there for me like he always had been. His hospice nurse shared with me that in the 11 months that she cared for him, that she saw two major changes in that time. One was in November and was a definite decline. The second was in February, when she saw him "perk up" after I told him what I was doing. I will be forever grateful that she told me that. Just knowing that I was able to do something for him, after all that he did for me, has helped me so much in the last weeks.

As much as I wanted him there, I also didn't want him to continue suffering. He was so weak and struggling so badly, that about two weeks prior to the race I told him that if he was ready to go, that he didn't need to anymore. It was one of the hardest things I've ever said, but I needed him to know that I could, and would, still run that race for him.

I still cannot even believe how many people followed, supported, donated, prayed, cheered for, ran for and were there for me all along this journey. Thank you, thank you, THANK YOU! Seventy-five people liked or commented on my Facebook post that day. Seriously? I was honestly shocked that so many people cared about little ol' me, when I was ONE of 2400 people that ran! I will tell you what...that Friday night before the race, I felt like a movie star just before the Oscars! My fan club was ON FIRE and I felt like I was going to rock that hill and that it was going to be a truly amazing day.

I think that I will have to wait for another day to write about the actual race. I know many of you would like to hear more about it, so I will do my best to write that post soon. I'm dragging my heels a bit and I think I've figured out why. I don't want the story to be over. This whole journey was my tie with my Daddy...and it's hard to close it out. For some reason, writing out the story feels like a conclusion....like the end. I know that it doesn't have to be and that it's really just a new chapter. But I miss him. I really do. I also haven't closed out the fundraising link or sent in the money yet for the same reason. Don't worry...your money will make it to CurePSP. I just need a little more time...

I've spent the last nine days trying to figure out what goals I want to set for myself in 2012. Okay.  Let's be honest, it's really only been 8 days. January 1st I really just slept a lot, and when I wasn't sleeping I was either thinking about eating a cheeseburger and fries or actually eating a cheeseburger and fries. 


I don't typically set resolutions, but like most people see the turning of the new year as a fresh start and like to set some goals for the coming year. Well, I'm struggling.  I've started this post several times.  One post included things like "watch the Star Wars movies" since I've never seen them. (I know, I know...it's an outrage.) Another included "run Robie", which for you non-Boiseans, is a 1/2 marathon from hell.  It's seriously been labeled "The toughest half-marathon in the Northwest" because the first 8 miles are UPHILL. Like running 8 miles isn't bad enough. Every year I think about doing it because for some reason it's like a rite of passage for all people who run and live in Boise. And, I decided not to set that as a goal because I seriously might just decide not to be a runner anymore to avoid that race. Or, I might buck up and do it. But I clearly am not ready to commit.


But...today I figured out why I've struggled to make that list. In the grand scheme of things, those things don't matter. Who really cares if I lose 10 pounds? Don't get me wrong, I'd totally be stoked if I did. But that's not the point. It doesn't matter. It doesn't benefit anyone else in this world if I lose weight or workout more or run Robie or don't buy any new clothes (another thought I had) or watch Star Wars, or, or, or or....none of those things matter.


There have been a series of events over the last few weeks that have me really wanting to do something that matters. I look around at the people that I come across and there are so many people doing amazing things for other people. every. single. day. 


The teachers who teach our children day in and day out and spend more time with them than we do. They don't just teach them to read, write, add and subtract. They also do our job for us when we aren't there. They provide hugs when needed, they discipline when needed, teach manners, teach sharing, provide praise and build confidence, make sure they're fed and they do this for 25-30+ kids each and every day. Do most of them know the impact that they've had on their students? Probably not. (Julia...thank you for your touching post on Coach Jones). And...in our state, they all received a paycut last year. But they do it because it matters. 



The hospice people who come and spend time with my dad every week and provide him care. It is such a huge help for my mom and eases all of our minds that someone is constantly checking on his medical condition. Do they have any idea of how much my family appreciates them and what they do? Probably not. Do they get paid much? Probably not. But they do it because it matters. 


The nurses who provide care and keep parents encouraged when our babies are sick, when our parents are sick and when our friends are bringing new lives into the world. They do things that no one wants to do...draw blood, change dressings, deal with more bodily fluids than I care to even know about. How often are they told how much they are appreciated?  Probably not enough. But they do it because it matters.  


One of my favorite bloggers, started a social media frenzy to bring light to to the lives of women who are struggling across the country. It's such a simple thing...bringing women together through a piece of clothing. Is she making money off of it? No. She knows she has a captive audience and she did it because it matters.


Pastor Mark, at Eastwind Community Church, has had more of an impact in my life then he will ever know. I swear that many of his sermons must have been written specifically for me and have brought me to tears countless times. But I know that's not the case. I also know that people sit in his congregation every Sunday and have that same thought. Does every person who he impacts tell him? I doubt it...I know that I haven't. Does he do it for the recognition? Absolutely not. He does it because it matters. 


Every day, we all benefit from the people in, and outside of, our lives who do the things that matter. These examples are all based on what people do in their day to day jobs, but there is so much that can be done even without making a career change. What that is, I'm not sure yet. But, I do know that in 2012, my solitary goal is that I'm going to figure it out and I'm going to do something that matters. 

From our house to yours....

Dear friends and family,

My mom had a really great idea and asked me to write a Christmas letter to include with our Christmas cards this year!  Silly lady forgot and mailed them out before I got the letter done!  Those of you who know her well know that she tends to like doing things early as not to wait until the very last minute, so it was an honest mistake. Besides, some of you may not get an actual card from us. Don't worry, I'm sure my mom still thinks that you're important, but you can only order cards in sets of 50 or 75! I don't think we even KNOW 75 people. If you want to make sure you get one, just send her one and then she'll be guilted into sending you one too. I use this tactic on her all the time and it totally works!

So, I have to say that it's been a great year for me.  I'm in second grade and I love school and my teacher so much! Mrs B knows that I love to play school at home, so she's been sending me home with ALL of her extra papers that we don't use.  My mom must like playing school when I'm not around, because she seems to take them when I'm not looking! She even made a special place for her students to turn in papers...it's a blue bin that has three arrows in the shape of a triangle. Her students must not be that good though, because most of the time their work isn't even done!

This year I played soccer in the spring and fall leagues and had a lot of fun. I made some new friends and I think that I'll keep playing.  My team really needs me since I'm pretty much one of the best players on the team. I can tell that it makes my mom really happy when I say that, because she gets a big smile on her face and almost laughs. She's really proud of me for trying so hard.

Another big thing that happened this year is that I lost eight teeth in six months!  As you can see in the picture, I look a little bit like a hockey player or a jack-o-lantern, but they are starting to grow in.  Apples are my favorite food and it's been a little challenging to figure out how to eat them and some other foods.

This year we took a family vacation down to Utah with my Mormor and Morfar and Auntie, Mikey, Bennie and Brookie.  We had a lot of fun and got to go to Lagoon, which is an amusement park.  I loved all the kid rides and even did a big roller coaster with my mom.  I was super scared during the ride and making terrified faces, so my mom thought I was mad at her.  But, when we got to the end I turned to her and said "That. Was. Awesome!!!"  But, I decided not to go on anymore big rides.  One was enough. We also went to a cool Dinosaur Park and a huge Children's Museum.

My mom still works with computers for her job at MobileDataforce and has been there for 5 years now.  Sometimes when I'm not listening in the morning and taking my time, she reminds me that it's very important that she keeps her job so that we can have the things that we need. She likes to tell herself that it's me that always makes us late, but I can tell you right now that she's just as guilty.

She also met a really great guy in February. His name is Greg and I absolutely adore him. When I met him and found out that he likes Boise State, I was SO relieved!  He even took us to a football game this year and we got my mom to wear a BSU shirt.  She and I made a deal...she said she'll cheer for the Broncos if I cheer for the Vandals.  She's still waiting for me to fulfill my part of the bargain, but I think that not trash talking the Vandals should be enough!

He is super nice to my mom and makes her very happy. He doesn't have any kids of his own, but he treats me like I'm his! I think part of it is because he's just a big kid.  He plays with me and makes me laugh all the time and we play funny tricks on my mom. 

Well, that about wraps things up for this year. My mom said to make sure to let you all know that we're so thankful for all of you.  To be honest, I'm not sure who most of you even are, but if my mom thinks your special, then so do I!  Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!   

Love, 

Hailee and Kari

Spa treatment

I love my child so much.  Tonight was one of those nights where we just kicked it and chatted and she was sweet and funny and I didn't have to bring out mean mommy.  I love nights like these...they are what get me through those days where mean mommy works a 14 hour shift. Okay...I'm probably not mean for 14 hours STRAIGHT, but man, some days I feel like all I do is constantly ask and nag and punish and ask and nag some more. Unfortunately, it's usually about day three or four into her "mommy week" that her behavior shifts back to my little charmer that melts my heart with every kiss and just says "okay" when I ask her to do something. But...I try not to focus on what I cannot control and do the best with what I can.  Anyhoo...that's a whole different topic and not the cute uplifting story that I wanted to write about.


So after Hailee got snuggled up in her jammies, she jumped up on my bed and asked if I'd like her to give me a massage. Ummm....duh. Her small little hands have more strength than you'd imagine (thanks to years of me encouraging to do it as hard as she can) and it was very relaxing!  Granted...she does it in spurts of 10 seconds....moves to another area....asks if that's good....I beg for more....10 more seconds....repeat.  


Once the massage was done, she asked if I'd like her to brush my hair. Ummm...duh. I love my hair being brushed as much as I love massages. I sat and wondered what the motivation was, but then realized that maybe she was just being a sweetheart and taking care of her mommy.


H: Did you enjoy your visit to the spa for a massage and a hair style?
M: Why yes, I did!
H: Would you like to come back another time?
M: Why yes, I would!
H: This time was free, but next  time it will be $5. 


There it is.  


M: Or, how about I give you food to eat, a roof over your head and food in your tummy?
H: Okay, $1 will be fine.


Then we fell into a heap of tickles and giggles and I kissed on those cheeks that I love so much.  

Thanks Pinterest for making me feel pathetic...

Okay....so I love Pinterest.com. Love it. For those of you who don't know what it is, you have no idea what you're missing.  It's an amazing universe of wonderfulness that is way more addictive than Facebook. That being said...I do think that when creating an account, that you should be provided with a few warning labels. 

Warning: You will experience an insatiable need to redecorate your entire house. Not with new things. But with old things repurposed into new things. Old ladders, rakes, crates and jars will never again look the same. Oh...and you'll want to paint everything in your house. Everything.

Warning: You will want to bake. A lot. From scratch. You may not actually DO it, but you'll want to. And if you don't, then you feel like you should be. Same goes for cooking. Or any other activities that apparently are supposed to take place in a kitchen. 

Warning: If you're a mom, then you WILL feel as though you've failed as a parent. Unless, of course, you spend ALL day doing cool art projects with your child. Unless your children have rooms that look like the Pottery Barn catalog, but with murals on the wall and crazy cool lighting. Unless snack time involves a different creature or holiday themed item made out of nutritious food on a daily basis. 

Warning: You will realize that although you have a style that you like, your closet does not at all resemble that style. And that there are clothes in said closet that you probably should make into a scarf or Christmas Tree skirt because NO ONE wears that anymore. And no, dipping part of the shoe in glitter paint does not make those cute.

Warning: You will believe that if your workout doesn't include 50 of this and 30 of that and then 40 of those, then you are NOT going to get results. Ever. Instead of "just" going for a run, you'll do nothing because you can't decide which one to do. And then you'll bake instead (see above) and then it just goes downhill from there.  

Don't get me wrong, it's a great place to visit. And a great place to figure out where you want to visit and dwell on where you haven't visited and probably will never get to visit. 

But, if you haven't experienced it yet, let me know if you want an invite. You've been warned.

Can't get enough....

I seriously cannot get enough of this video....they are so stinking CUTE! Hailee and I watched this last night and were dying. There was an awkward moment when she asked if Sophia sings better than she does.  At which point I just avoided the question and clicked on the next video.   

Week of Thanks...Tuesday

I asked Hailee tonight what the top 5 things were that she's thankful for this year.  I looked back on last year's list and it's very similar. Turns out that I haven't screwed her up in the last year and she still places value in the "right" things. Yay for me!  Here is her list:

1. Family

2. Friends

3. Pets

4. Food

5. Shelter

Since her list is so good, I thought maybe I'd come up with my top-5-things-I-am-thankful-for-but-would-never-say-at-the-dinner-table-list:

1. That Jillian Michaels can't hear me while I'm working out to her DVD.  Pretty sure she could, and would, kick my ass if she knew what I was yelling at her.

2. That I can go four days easy without washing my hair and you really can't tell.  It might not smell great, but it totally doesn't get greasy.  

3. That I can walk away from potato chips, no problem.  Tortilla chips, cheese, chocolate, cake and cookies, no.  But potato chips, yes.

4. Kitty litter that clumps. Pure genius.

5. That I don't have to share a bathroom with the boys at work anymore. Our new building actually has a women's restroom...and I've yet to run into another woman in it!

Of course, I have my own list of the truly important items that I couldn't live without and feel so blessed to have.  But it's late, and I'm tired and I just can't pull off the meaningful and well thought out list.  So instead, you get the quick and random list of things that come across my mind often.  All wonderful things in Kari's Korner...  

It's amazing how quickly they change...

Sigh...I was just looking through my pictures from last year and our new ones.  I can't believe how much my baby girl has changed in one year!!!  

Fall 2010

Fall 2011

Week of thanks...2011 edition

I'm back!  And just in time for this year's edition of Week of Thanks!  It's actually a coincidence that I sat down to write tonight, but I'm going with it.  And, I'm going to head straight into the topic I had on my mind before I end up being distracted and another year goes by.  I have a whole week to write about the bazillion things that I'm thankful for.  But tonight, I'm thankful that I have a little girl that is full to the top with confidence.

The girl just has it. She walks around day in and day out with a "Yeah...I've got this" attitude about her. Sometimes it's kind of annoying (I'm being honest...all kids are annoying sometimes), but much of the time it's pretty entertaining.  And...I'm glad that she believes in herself, because I sure think she's an amazing kid and I hope that she keeps that confidence as she grows up.  

There have been a few times in the last few months that I need to document so I can use such stories to deflate her when she's a teenager and her head gets too big. Just kidding. Maybe.  

She played her third season of soccer this fall on a team with other girls her age. You know those kids that are just natural athletes? They just get it.  They get out on the field and give it their all, they are not afraid to be aggressive, they are fast, they race after the ball, they are able to implement the skills they learn in practice.  You know those kids, right?  Yeah...well Hailee isn't one of them. She loves playing and she's really good...at following the herd of girls around the field.  But bless her little heart, she gets out there and plays and has fun.  And when one of her team mates falls down (which happens a lot), when all the other girls are cruising down the field to make the next big play, Hailee is the one that stops to make sure her friend is okay and help her up.  I'll take that over MVP any day. 

Anyway...we had to miss a game this year to go to a BSU game. Mind you, she's been DYING to go to a BSU game for the last 2 years.  In fact, when I started dating Greg (a BSU grad), she said "FINALLY! I've been WAITING for you to meet someone who's a Bronco!"  So, when I told her that he got us tickets to the game, but that we'd have to miss her game, I was a bit surprised by her less than enthusiastic response.  "Aren't you excited, Hailee?"  Big sigh....  "Yeah...but I don't know if it's good that I miss a game. I'm pretty much one of the best players on the team."  I reassured her that although she was an important player, that her team would probably be just fine without her. 

About a month later, we went to a birthday party that a friend was throwing for her son.  Hailee didn't know a single kid, but within five minutes was off running around and making new friends. Huge bonus to having a confident child...if she can go play with kids, that's WAY better than hanging around with mom!  When it came time for the pinata, I sat with her as we watched a couple of the boys take their turns with the bat.  Pretty soon, Hailee turns to me and says "Mom, I better go try. You know, since I played t-ball."  I just smiled and thought to myself "Hmm....not sure if standing on base and introducing yourself to everyone that ran by really counts as PLAYING t-ball."  Apparently the promise of falling candy was the missing component to that sport....   

Fast forward to tonight. Greg and I decided that we wanted to run the Turkey Day 5K on Thursday.  He's ran a marathon and a gazillion half marathons, so a 5K is just a fun little way to get some exercise in before we stuff ourselves silly.  Initially I assumed that I wouldn't be able to since I have Hailee, but then decided that maybe she'd want to do it!  It's a flat course around downtown Boise and worst case scenario we could cut back across if need be. I wasn't very optimistic that she'd want to do it, considering the exertion levels I've seen from her in the above stated scenarios.  But, I talked to her about it last night and told her to think about it.

This morning she wakes up and says, "I've decided to do the race.  I thought about it so much that I dreamt about it! I want to do it."  She has already decided what she's going to wear and "practiced" today at my mom's house by running around the tennis court.  Once.  

Me:So I hear you practiced today at Mormor's house.  Do you think you're ready?

H:Yep!  So, at the race, I have to stay with you, right?

Me: Yes. Don't worry, Hailee. I'll stay with you the whole time.

H: Siiiiiiiigh. I hope you guys can run as fast as I can. I wonder if I'll win.

I'm just hoping that confidence carries through Thursday morning. But most of all...I hope that I can keep up!  

Light as a feather...

So...yeah...it's been awhile.

Before I get started on the topic of the day, I have to say that I'm giggling a little bit at myself right now.  Why? Because I'm a dork, that's why.  Back before technology and blogs and Facebook I used to keep track of life events in a journal.  In high school I wrote in it diligently.  Come to think of it, I should find that because I'm sure it would be very entertaining to read through.  I think it was Jill that got me started (yes, Jill....you).  In college I did pretty well for the first while and then, well, the entries started getting more and more spread apart.  The whole point of this is that when I would go to write a new entry and realize that it had been 6 months or a year or whatever, I'd start the entry with "Wow!  It's been awhile!" or something of the sorts.  Why I thought that I needed to make excuses for myself to myself, I'm not sure why.  Like I couldn't look at the dates and figure it out?  Unlike this blog, which undoubtedly will be read by millions, no one else will probably ever read those entries, so why start it that way?!  Dork.

Anyway...it HAS been awhile!  There has certainly not been a lack of things going on, but just finding the time to sit down and write has been challenging.  Nonetheless, I felt inspired to do so today!

In a way, I feel like today is the close of one chapter and the beginning of another.  Actually...it's more like the end of one book and the beginning of the next in the series that I call LIFE.  And let me tell you, it feels amazing!  I feel like a huge weight on my shoulders has been lifted.  And as I sit here reflecting, I just have to wonder how many of you have a "thing" in your lives.  Some "thing" that has been there, waiting patiently in the background to be dealt with.  Some "thing" that has kept you from truly moving forward in your path of life. Some "thing" that has come and gone in your thoughts frequently, but dismissed over and over again.  Some "thing" that you desperately want to take action on, but just can't do it. Some "thing" that is so painful that you just want it to go away.  It won't. Trust me.        

For six years, almost to the day, I've had such a "thing".  For six years, I've been trying to figure out when and where to share with Hailee that she has a sister that was born one day before her 1st birthday.  For three years, I tried to cope with being in a marriage when I knew there was another child out there that didn't belong to me, but who was Hailee's sister.  For three years after that, I tried to be patient, hoping that her father would make the choice to be in this child's life and bring them together.  For one year, I've watched Hailee play with her sister on the playground at school, not knowing that she was much more than a friend.  For one month, I've talked and fought and begged for them to know.  And today...today that secret is no longer a secret. Today Hailee went to school knowing that her little kindergarten friend, Katie, is also her sister.  Today they talked on the playground and told all of their friends. Today they know the truth and today starts the beginning of a new relationship and a new chapter for the two of them.  And today....today is the end of that story for me.  No more unfinished business. No more pain. No more secrets. Today marks a new beginning...and somehow I just know that this story will have a fairy tale ending.

If you have a "thing"...whether it's big or small...I encourage you to take action. Don't shelf it. Don't ignore it and don't let anyone else force you to do that either.  It's your life. Grab hold of the "thing" and face it. It will be difficult.  It will hurt.  But the pain that you experience initially will be much less than the pain you will feel over the course of your life if you don't.  And the relief and joy you will feel when you've faced it, will make it worth it.